This blog series is my offering to you, a chance to see how Ayurveda is weaved into my life & how you can apply these principles to your own life.

SOFTENING

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"Softening is my thing for 2026"

Softness, for me, isn’t about doing less or lowering standards, rather a shift in energy and how I show up for myself. How I approach life will have a more subtle, gentle energy. The same steady rhythm but just a little softer. A philosophy, if you will, that will shape how I move through this year.

To start off the year on the right note there will be no New Year resolutions for me, the whole concept of this is really at odds with nature. In the middle of Winter we should be resting and nesting, not setting ourselves up for failure with half baked promises and harsh boundaries. Winter is a time for deep nourishment rather than restrictions. Now I am not suggesting that giving up or reducing unhealthy habits is a bad idea, just that the label of NY resolutions gives it all the wrong energy.

Take alcohol, caffeine or cake for example - anything that you consume. Do you imagine that this attempt to give up is as simple as stopping on January 1st? You know it is unhealthy, but how long will this promise last, is it just a challenge to see how long you can do it before giving in and giving up? You are almost saying to yourself that it is not forever….

To reduce or eliminate for the long term requires some deeper digging. Some deeper work is needed. What do you want to achieve and most importantly why? Your relationship with said substance and understanding what drives the habit needs exploring. Forcing change without this exploration is unlikely to deliver the desired outcome. Setting goals and planning is certainly a worthy exercise but it is important to set about this with the right energy.

What these might feel like for you…..

~ Do you reach for coffee to cope with stress or lift your energy when you feel exhausted?

~ Is alcohol something you use to cope with stress or as a reward?

~ Or maybe the sugar fix is what you reach for when you need comforting or you are feeling frustrated?

~ Adding lots of activities ~ like gym memberships or exercise classes because being ‘busy’ distracts, avoiding feelings that you should address.

Sometimes these habits simply help us to cope with boredom…..

There are many reasons we have created habits, to truly break free from them does require a little digging.

Last year was about silence, silence and stillness. This was the first time I considered noise and how it impacted how I felt. As an avid ‘talker’ I consciously moved into 2025 with silence not as a goal but as a topic to be explored and contemplated. Not as something to add but something to be considered.

It seems silence is pretty golden for me, creating mental space which in turn brought about more clarity. Talking takes a lot of energy, listening (properly) takes a lot of energy when sometimes we simply need to rest.

Alternatives & Swaps

Below are some suggestions that may help. If you have any alternatives that have worked for you I would love to hear about them.

Alcohol - low or no alcohol alternatives or sparkling water. Move on to lesser aggravating drinks, still water being the gold standard. In the warmer months, adding a dash of lime & a pinch of mineral salt to water is refreshing and hydrating.

Coffee - reduce slowly. Coffee replacements offer the bitter taste that we often crave. Aim for herbal teas or spiced milk.

Cake - start with smaller slices, eat it less often. Perhaps spiced milk with maple syrup may satisfy the sweet craving or offer some comfort. Stuffed dates give a great hit of sweetness too.

Takeaways and ready meals - fakeaways are a great start. Look to add healthy foods and reduce the amount of unhealthy foods gradually.

One of my favourite swaps this Christmas was pear and ginger. Either on its own, in champagne or sparkling water. It was quite a hit with family and friends too.

While these are great steps towards better choices the real work comes from addressing the cause of the habit or craving. But for now, start small with a commitment to do better.

The flip side of all the eliminations is the adding of new habits - the gym membership, or exercise regime, or eating more vegetables. The same principles apply here too, understanding the what and why will lead you to making better choices.

In a world full of ‘busy’ adding in more tasks may end up counter productive. You need to create space for these new habits if you want to avoid overwhelm. Start small and build on your successes. One gym visit or one run is better than not starting but also better than aiming for 4 or 5 times a week and failing after the first couple of weeks. If adding a habit is going to take up time in your diary then first get clear about what you are letting go of to create the time and space for your new habit. It is better to go slowly with changes you make rather than making life more demanding.

Always remember, progress over perfection….

I do appreciate that none of this advice is new and ground breaking but we all need reminders occasionally - myself included. Which brings me back to softness — not just in what I change, but in how I live.

Softness in my own life

So how will I be enjoying more softness this year? Although there are no New Year resolutions I do have some goals. They are not ‘all or nothing’ goals, they are about growth and growth should not be hard or rushed.

I am also thinking about things that don’t bring softness or things that can be done with a more gentle approach or attitude. A shift in perspective can have an incredible impact.

The BIG light ~ I have a feeling this is a British thing. I recall Peter Kay talking about the big light!! Our lounge has two switches, one for the big light and one for the wall lights which also includes a rather bright back light above the TV which isn’t a dimmer. So ironically I prefer the big light on but switched down low. The kitchen has too many lights, with too many combinations. It almost makes it worse! I used to prefer a well lit spaces thinking I needed to see everything properly, these days I prefer low lighting. Big lights dimmed to low with an odd lamp and some fairy lights or candles. I have come to realise that it is dark outside for a reason ~ we should be resting!! Honour the season!

Supporting your circadian rhythm also aids better sleep. Try lowering your lighting an hour or so before bedtime (which should be before 10pm - am I getting older or wiser or both!).

Hard rules and boundaries ~ these can feel way too rigid and end up feeling far too restrictive. Lowering expectations isn’t about giving in, it is about allowing flexibility. Flexibility is much softer. Creating resistance and rigidity can lead to resentment and frustration, like attracts like and with negative emotions it is easy to spiral. Finding strength in a stable but flexible approach means you are less likely to cave in or give up altogether.

Softness feels like the right step towards Sattva, the subtle energy of peace and harmony.

So there will be a softness in my approach to 2026 and plenty of it!.

There will also be softness in my meditation, using the breath to gently let go both physically and mentally. This isn’t about trying harder, it is a practice of listening and trusting what is already here.

I am not trying to fix anything, I am striving for acceptance and to flow and to grow in 2026.

That will require softness, silence and space. Of which I am giving myself plenty! This aligns beautifully with intentional living, I remind myself each day to be more mindful. To notice my inner and outer worlds, we only have this moment in which to live so my intention is to enjoy each and every moment for what it offers.

For now, softening is enough for this new year. Let’s talk about new beginnings when nature shows us how in Spring!

Asking less ~ particularly of my daughters. As a mother of two grown up daughters it is a find fine balance when it comes to parenting, Do we still parent our children in their twenties? When my first line of questioning isn’t answered fully I am resisting not asking anything else. Not always easy but I have to trust that they will tell me what I need to know. Accepting that they have shared what they want to share at that time. They are different human beings and share in different ways, but they do share and that is good enough for me. I count my blessings as my girls choose to spend a fair amount of time with my husband and I. And for that I am always grateful.

Asking for less ~ figuratively speaking will allow for rounding off of the hard edges of most things. We never fully understand what others are experiencing, withholding judgement isn’t always easy ( or natural for us humans). Our expectations of others is never their lived reality, our perspective will unlikely match theirs.

This shift can lower the bar, of course, but who set the bar so high? Whose standards are you living by? In December I wrote about ‘enough’ and this feels like the next step forward for me. From a position of having and being enough there is a space for more harmony. Lessening judgement means more tolerance. In allowing life to ebb and flow there is less resistance which can only be a good thing. I am far less concerned about outcomes and judgement these days, it does take a little practice but it is very much worth it!

This Christmas was challenging, with all the extra food and drink that we are expected to consume. Where did this expectation of excess come from? My Christmas day did involve some champagne, just a couple of glasses rather than mindless consumption all day. And yes I ate more than I would have liked but this year I still made progress over last year. I gave myself permission to have a few extra things this year but largely ate according to my normal practices. Also, no alcohol on Boxing day - another win for me!

Softness doesn’t mean ignoring habits, it means understanding them. Often by giving up something completely it is common to lapse back to old habits very quickly. If this happens, forgive yourself and move on. Habits can be hard to break but in time you can overcome that cycle. There are things I still haven’t given up 100% yet, it is a work in progress for sure. These things, alcohol and chocolate, do not feature heavily any longer. Over time they have become less appealing and I like the way I feel without them. Deep rooted habits often need replacing ~ to fill the gap as it were ~ to move forward without leaving a hole. Creating mini rituals has helped me me ease into better habits too, nothing elaborate, just an added sense of reverence as you begin each day or make your tea. So my advice is to begin softly. Be gentle.

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